Gary Bolam

Observational encounters

2010-01-08T15:40:00.000Z

He's sitting across from me with a woolen hat and a matching green
Nike bag which is clutched close to his lap. His feet making nervous
awkward movements back and forth as he eats his greggs cake from the
branded paper wrapper it came in. He's trying to avoid eye contact
with everyone including his own reflection as we pass through the dark
train tunnel. He's either typing or fiddleing with somehing behind his
green Nike bag. His feet move back and forth this time streching out
into the isle. His shoes look like they are from Burton, the brown
leather scuffed at the toe on each foot. Maybe he had a bad skid on
the ice, it is rather cold and snowy just now. We pull into lenzie
station.

The door to the side opens and an old woman with grey hair in a bun
walks through. She's wearing a pink pokadot rain coat and has matching
pink flowers in her hair. She stumbles and slumps into a chair and
looks out to the foggy cold White of this winter day. He watches on
avoiding eye contact. Then opens his green bag. Rumaging through the
bag that still sits clutched on his lap. He pulls out a train ticket.
The conductor walks past checking tickets then walks by.

As he places his ticket back into his green nike bag he gets up and
waits at the door as we pull into Croy.

His seat sits empty.

interesting text title

2009-11-17T14:51:00.001Z

I am yours to keep forever.

Consider Yourself Swallowed

2009-04-30T02:07:00.000+01:00

Bee hits window. Slides down a bit. Trace of sorrow remains at impact point. Repetition ensues.

---------End Of Reason---------

Fictional Experiments With Swear words

2009-04-30T02:04:00.000+01:00

Fingers contorted tightly around hair damp with blood. The clean lino flooring feels cold as you pull your fisted hand down from your head and close to your body. The rain batters hard against the window to your left hand side. Repeated under the hushed humm of the extractor fan you ask “why?”

“oh fuck this shit!” you shout. Throwing your weight as you rage. Hands flung in the air and stress leaking from every crevice in your body The internal monolog of your life to date echoes in the stereo of your mind. Your ears banging. “FUCK!” swearing for the sheer sake of it. This moment becoming more intense than you had first thought it would be. “Sure, 11am in mono... Yep.. Uh-huh..” The phone sweaty on your right ear. This is routine. “fuck you and your details. Fuck you!” shouting in your ears alongside your internal monolog. “why the fuck do you have your cock out? And why the fuck is it online.???” Your mind wonders. “FUCK FUCK FUCK” shots of rage spill in your mind. “who was he to do this and why the fuck do I feel this way. I have no commitment to you and you have no commitment to me, it doesn’t feel this way though. It feels like your mind. It feels like I'm yours still. Geeze. This is messed up. I am sad. I am sad that I have this internal monolog and this “FUCK FUCK FUCK” shot of rage. “His name is Robert Paulson.” its a release.

Get your fucking ass out my fucking face. I hate this. You and your fucking tiny mind. I hate your fucking ass face. Was I asleep? Have I slept?

Dirty little white boy

2009-04-30T02:01:00.000+01:00

Your hands pressed against the grubby tiles. Your arms outstretched.

Reflections of a inner glow.

Your toes

2009-04-30T01:58:00.000+01:00

Your toes outstretched in your muddy brown shoes. The stage seems vast in your presence as you grab up your arms to clench down on the cold metal of the microphone. You sleep like a kid with one hand stuck to the side of your face. This is love. This is love. Pulling the extra cord to the sky as you sing. The orange of your vest. The orange of your vest. Emotion flowing through the air as the notes you sing hang steady in the air. Held tight to the inside of you chest, reverberating in endless echoes. You’re like that doll you wind up as a child, the rusty door you pull with two hands. sit with me as we pull our covers into mountains. Your fingertips touch mine. We’re out to prove its not in me and not in you. We’d like to see some colour. Its due. Lying next to me and feeling you, I’d like to breath in colour.

Little words. (experiments with full stops.)

2009-04-30T01:56:00.000+01:00

Did it not work out? Didn’t you love me like you use to. Did. That. Make. Things. Easier? This is an experiment with emotion and I have it sussed.

Empty apartment

2009-04-30T01:55:00.000+01:00

The room stands still without your presence. Fake ivy sits on the mantel piece with a thick layer of dust. I forget the true colour of words. Their subtle hue brings no light into this room now. I fear the ivy will see no light, forever destine to sit under its thick protective cover. Wake me with your coloured hue in the darkness of this silent room. A whisper blows a faint trail of dust into the air. The crack of light from the keyhole revealing a dance. Tiny specks of dust twist and turn in that piercing shaft of light. The floor is shallow here. That sinking feeling not as strong. Your feet find a firm ground reminding you of back home. Back when your ankles never ached. But this is an empty apartment now and no longer will your chair hold the arch of your back. it will wait in silence. Protecting itself with a thick layer of dust. The impression from your hands on each chair arm as you heaved your body up that last time will fade. The lack of colour erasing your memory with every moment this room sits idle.

Life has a gift for you

2009-04-30T01:53:00.000+01:00

Wanted to share something today. No more throwing stones at bees. Carry no burden on your muscled shoulders. What ever your passion is you have to keep working at it all the time. If you love what you do then love what you do. One should rarely stop to show fear. Sip the hue of the words you sing as you sit on the floor, legs crossed. I think of you when I fist met you. The centre of your life out of sync with your love. You were a significant performer of talent.

The human need for coexistence

2009-04-30T01:50:00.000+01:00

“Omg I need a GF”

This statement from an eleven year old. Is this a by-product of a society built ever more by divorce, war mistrust and fear? The fear that we’ll be alone only existing in a shadow of a couple. The shadow of our parents couple. If our need springs erratic from night to night (i.e. the one night stand) is this our evidenced confusion to media and parents?

A news flash

2009-04-30T01:48:00.000+01:00

A news flash my friend. With eyes open wide to the world, unable to sleep and awake with ideas. I urge for

--------------end of message---------------

Grandmother

2008-10-26T03:27:00.000Z

My grandmother.

My gran.

She is dead now but she is alive in the slightest of moments.

I see them floating in the air they spin with the wind. They are the whitest feathers on the most crisp of clear days. That is my Gran now. Each floating feather reminds me of the beauty of her person and the smell of the baked bread as we went to her house on the motorway.

I smile.

"if nothing changes, nothing changes"

2008-10-26T03:24:00.000Z

The best bits are coloured in

with crayon

rock my socks

The Face of a Worm

If you're waiting for a sign, this is it. Do it. It will be amazing.

learning how to dance in the rain

"if nothing changes, nothing changes"

I promise to breath

2008-10-26T03:23:00.000Z

Your name held tight to my lips the closest thing to a kiss I had a dream last night. I dreamt of you. Your kissing lips as we went somewhere

Drifting At Sea

2008-10-18T09:35:00.001+01:00

So I sit and watch as the vegetables grow mouldy and milk sours.

I'm on a boat and it is crazy.

Fish and Chips. Fish and Chips.

The Pillows Kiss My Neck

2008-10-18T09:33:00.001+01:00

I'm warm. Too warm. Sitting under the covers pillows piled high against the back of my neck. I'm reminiscing on times where you watched over me. I know you still do. I feel it. Its comforting to know that I have you still.

And that smell you have it makes my head turn in your direction nose smelling your scent. Like boy and soap.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I know this. I have had nothing and everything. My health and my non health. The duvet cover is warm and heated even hotter by the laptop that sits on my knees as I type. My legs and body close to breaking into a sweat. I rest with my body spread out the length of the bed the pillows piled high against my neck adding the the heat. I sit reminiscing of the times I have spent in hospital. I really was ill and I only think it is sinking in just now. I cant believe I haven't ever thought about it until this point.

Sleepy thoughts

2008-10-08T06:14:00.001+01:00

Boo.. Its 6am and I have been awake and entertaining myself with bbc iplayer and the internet for the last few hours. I can not sleep. I have such a messed up sleeping pattern its unreal. I should perhaps stop sleeping in until lunch time and working at night. Humm... A grand plan maybe stirring up a brew.

So it is my 24th birthday tomorrow I guess. How random. I find myself with a degree, a 25% stake in a company, living at home, still in the cinema, with a boyfriend, a fantastic group of friends and my health. I have a meeting with channel 4 on Friday, a hospital appointment at dermatology directly before that meeting and an amazing night out planned on the Sunday. Its exciting.

The desolate roar of the wind

2008-10-05T05:00:00.001+01:00

Blah
I want to write. I haven't in ages.

I see my face slip from the top 10. Your order making a miss of the time we spent. Your innocent face reflects images of our past. The memories I treasure close still edging away to the surface. Resulting in tears with no sound I cant stop the thought that it could still be. The thought that it wasn’t ever that bad. I am kept back by these thoughts and wish I wasn’t sometimes. I am in that new place still though the dust is fast settling. I am uncomfortable with the use of single gay male though I fear this will never change. Moments of passion tide the sea as the desolate winds roar. I am at sea. Flickering a torch within the mist to find land. I need to settle for a rest, to move on with the world and not be at sea. I lack certainty within this boat. The desolate roar of the wind makes my boat unstable.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish

2008-09-23T00:46:00.000+01:00

Yep.

That is what I shall do. I shall stay hungry and stay foolish. I will take projects forward that are worth the effort and if they provide a hunger in me then I shall follow them. I will be intuitive and I shall find success. I will be happy and I will be learning. I will make you smile and I will be there for you when you are in need but trust me when I say that I will never give up on something I believe in.

Believe, even if foolish, is half the battle of success. The other is staying hungry.

ARGHhhh...

2008-09-18T09:55:00.000+01:00

Arghh... That is all that I have to say right now. Anything else would be either intangible or rude.

New site name and look

2008-09-10T03:25:00.001+01:00

So, I have changed a few things as you might well know and yeah it looks better. I love the wee guy up the top. All very funky. Expect some more writing very soon.

I thought you should know...

2008-09-05T01:50:00.001+01:00

I thought you should know. It isn't too much of a revelation but I guess I should say it all the same. I... I love you.

Yeah you. You there reading this right now. Its funny I mean I don’t even know you.. Well maybe I do but the way your eyes run over these words just like that. There. Did you see. Your eyes did it then. I like that. I guess, oh I don’t know it makes me feel viewed. Yeah viewed.

I love you

Travels

2008-08-15T16:56:00.001+01:00

So travels from Larbert to Glasgow are getting a bit boring and they are expensive. Well I'm off through there now and I could do with out the hassle of waiting to get the last train. Boo. So yeah. I'm looking forward to moving back through as soon as possible. Roll on next month and that elusive job.

Update

2008-08-05T01:01:00.000+01:00

So I move home soon I have yet to pack and I am indeed not entirely looking forward to having to get the train through every shift I have in the cinema from now on in. boo... Anyway hopefully I shall save some money by staying at home and have more time to update things and make everything a tad more organised.

A clear out is in order. Seriously.

Potential

2008-08-01T15:35:00.001+01:00

I got paid today, decided to go to Ireland with Michael randomly in September. My phone is sitting next to me with my passport underneath it. I'm listening to frightened rabbit and have been for the last few hours on repeat. I have work in an hour and a half and I could do anything before hand, I am infinite at this moment and I enjoy the adventures I have planned and the ones I have yet to discover. I am an artist, an adventurer and a business man all wrapped in one.

Your Whisky Face

2008-07-24T18:30:00.000+01:00

Take your whisky face and smile with me as we take this sandy path. Unknown in its projection, the sun beats down on the path. “You are my boy,” he said to the man. The light of the sky shining down to your feet. Puddles of light cast adventure at every turn. This was something to be in awe of. This was something.

Take your whisky face and dance with me now as we stumble our feet forward and glide our arms out. We’re flying. We really are and its unbelievable but I knew how to believe. This was your whisky face as our bodies contort in dance.

Sentiment Value of Envelopes

2008-07-19T08:17:00.000+01:00

Its time to change. New starts and fresh beginnings. I need to clear out my life of the clutter that seems to collect itself over the years. I keep everything in some attempt to hold on to their sentimental value. I guess it is like the thought that everything is important. I keep finding the most stupid things that to someone else would be a scrap of paper with a line on it but to me it is actually so much more. It is the time when that person first showed me how to see potential or the time when I found a bit of paper that reminded me of the contour of his face.

I have a thousand trees worth of paper and information sitting waiting to have something done with it. I need to chuck a load of it out. I need to reduce it by 90% at the least. What could I possibly have that requires so much paper documents? I need to seriously look through it all and reduce it into something so small it could fit in a backpack.

Same with the sentimental stuff. I need to reduce that too. I might have to make a book of all the little objects I have attributed value to.

Sentimental value tax. SVT. It is the requirement by logistics that states you need to attribute so much space to each object of sentimental value. Yes This in my case directly means I have no space as I have so much sentimental valued items. I shall reduce.

Ebay will see an influx of my life for redistribution. It will be the sentimental objects with the story behind them placed in a box or some packaging of some sort. This packaging shall be important too. “Why?” I hear you ask, well… I also own a thousand rolls of paper and tape. Not to mention envelopes. There is something really amazing about an envelope. It is the container or letters. Paper with words. Sometimes hand written and other times computer generated. These little snippets of information pressed into an envelope and sent on a journey. The envelope isn’t so different from a human. Envelopes all start out as envelopes. Humans all start out as humans.

When purchased in bulk, the envelope is in a protective environment. When required it is then removed from the protective environment that it was bought in and sent on its own unique journey. It has a purpose even if it doesn’t know it. As it gets sent on its journey it ages with every bump and brush with real life until eventually it reaches the last stages of its own mortality. It has served its purpose and is ripped open to reveal its worth. Only in it’s own death is the purpose revealed. Perhaps not achieving dramatic change to the greater public but occasionally giving great joy and worth. The humble envelope sitting defenceless on your doormat. Perhaps this image is something as to why I haven’t ever sent letters in the collection of envelopes placed gently on my shelf. They sit their appreciated for their worth and their potential.

This is why I need to redistribute their value. There is only so much space and so many envelopes that can sit gently on my shelf. I will keep one though. Maybe two as an emergency should I need to send one on a journey.

Clear out

2008-07-13T01:21:00.000+01:00

So I'm in the process of clearing out my room... I have everything I own in this room. I want to sell it all. I want a fresh start a new me a new progression with the same dreams but different goals. A new outlook. I want to be creative and be respected and paid for it. I will be paid for something I love doing. I make plans and I create dreams.

It was the 7th anniversary of my kidney transplant on the 11th of July. It was my graduation on the 20th June. It’ll be my 24th birthday in October and I need to move out of this flat on the 11th Aug. These dates are all important but I feel stuck in them. I feel stuck in time or something like that. I hate having to be constrained. I hate money.

I take 9 tablets every day. I will take tablets every day for the rest of my life. I take some comfort in the routine but feel disheartened by the constraint, not to mention the ‘what ifs?’ humm... I am in a bit of a wondering mind which is totally why I need this clear out.

I have too many things and I want to get rid of them to the best I can. I have a lot of materials. I have a stack of paper higher than myself and a stack of books even higher. I own pens of all varieties in all colours. I own sculpting materials, several cameras both still and video, analogue and digital. I have two DVD players identical to each other. I own an impressive collection of bags of differing design. I also have a mountain of washing that seems endless.

I need to have a few choice things. I want a file full of artworks and documents. A store of paper and inks with which I can easily find what I'm looking for and create publications with ease. I want a bookcase full of inspiration. A wall of photographs and an amazing camera to take them with. A portable life. Most of all I want the journey through my comfort zone. I want to know where I begin and where I end. How hot is too hot and how random is too random?

The world is waiting for me I just need to clear a path. Yes. That is what I shall do. I am going on an adventure along the path I clear. Want to come and join me?

G

Humm...

2008-07-11T23:49:00.000+01:00

I need to write more.

A text for later

2008-07-07T03:11:00.000+01:00

I hear a silence in your voice. The mutterings of eloquence. Take my hand as we walk the path towards the garden shed. She always arranged those tall flowers with the white of the cotton table cloth. The delicate red and the clean white. The table was always set for four and now sits idle in a state of disarray. The soup spoon slightly a squint to the place mat where her name once lay. I can still smell her perfume in the air as if she had just brushed by, perhaps on the way to fetch the baking we loved to eat warm.

A crisp glass of apple juice sits half drank on the table. There is not a need for children at a time like this. The children know this too. The feeling of her hand warm as it holds tight to yours. She was never with out a tissue at a time like this. They do that you know, they keep a special supply.

Bebo text

2008-07-07T02:42:00.000+01:00

Hello world.

I’m in an exciting place right now. About to set off on an adventure and take on the world. I create my world and I’ll create myself within that world too. It isn’t a dream and it isn’t a wish. It is a reality. It’s becoming more and more real every day. I wanted to tell you something the other day. It wasn’t important but I wanted to tell you all the same. I once had a moment with a boy and it hasn’t left my thoughts yet. I sold that boy a thought once and he will forever more be the keeper of it. I enjoy that fact.

I’ll be a dreamer forever more. I will make things happen from these dreams, even if it is only a fraction that skims across the surface of my thoughts, I will make them happen.

Most importantly I will be happy and I will be living. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday.

Words (back dated to 20th June)

2008-06-25T14:07:00.001+01:00

I have a reckless way with words. I know where it comes from. Its the knowledge that life can be reckless. That knowing moment when it is all taken away from you.
I guess its something about having a kidney transplant and taking tablets and all this jazz. Today I shall be graduating. It has been a long struggle to get here certainly the long way to achieve it, but you know what, I have achieved it. I will be on that stage today and my parents will be proud. Its funny how you can go from one extreme to the other without really noticing. I mean in hindsight I can tell it was one extreme to the other but in the process of getting from there to here it isn't like I just suddenly woke up thinking wow I'm here. Know what I mean?>

Humm...

2008-06-25T02:07:00.001+01:00

I often forget that people talk even when I’m not around. Haha stoopid observation but true all the same. I love hearing that people find me interesting enough to want to find out more even when I'm not around... I don’t know.. blah blah. I guess it is nice to be talked about when it is positive.

So Death Cab For Cutie.

Manchester. Not London. I guess that’s a kind of important decision. I would have waited for London if it was on offer again. I did apply to win tickets but we shall see.

Cineworld.

Blah cine. It is so hard to go to work knowing that your not a student anymore and the job, whilst still required to pay for things, is the only thing you have to look forward to. That isn't really the case as I have a million ideas that shall be pushed forward in the next wee while which should... Note should... Make some progress on the grand plan.

Roll on the adventures!

So...

2008-06-22T02:25:00.000+01:00

So so so... I guess I want to write a wee random text about where I'm at and all that jazz.

I have gone out at nearly every opportunity at the moment. You know its bad when you can recognise and talk to about 20 people in a club before having reached the bar. haha but I guess you only finish Art School once. I certainly earned this degree and the celebration that comes with it. Its actually crazy where I have came from to get this. Having had to drop out of school at 15 with no qualification because of my health. I then had a doctor tell me that I would have 2 weeks to live if they didn’t intervene. I spent the next two years costing through life. Not being able to take part fully and being attached to a dialysis machine nightly for 10 hours each day. Thinking back I cant believe I went through all that. The numerous operations and trips to the hospital. Medication that I will take for life. At one point I was taking 26 tablets a day, now thankfully I have only 9 a day. In the health scare time as I will now name this period I learned a lot about myself and the others around me. I discovered the amazing interest that the smallest things in life can give. The way you can turn your hand in the light. The way that chair sits next to the wall just so. All these things were highlighted when I was in this period. These little things still continue to amaze me now.

I had my first boyfriend, my first love. my first kiss, first rented flat and many more firsts in the time after getting my life back I got my life back when my mum changed my world. She gave me her kidney. This is crazy. Only a mother would be capable of saving her child in that way and only my mum is as amazing as to do that and support me all through out this time and the time that has passed since. I wouldn’t be the person I am today with out her literally at my side.

Today as I sit typing this I have a honours degree, my last appointment at the hospital gave me the best health results since 2004, I am living on Byres Road, Glasgow and I have the best bunch of friends. Its all a bit amazing.

I don’t have everything that I want, if I did, I would have no drive or ambition. But I am happy for the most part. I am enjoying this ride and cant wait to burst into the ‘real’ world with all the ideas that I have.

Oh dear

2008-05-31T01:25:00.001+01:00

I sliced my foot open on a can eak it hurts

2008-05-26T13:33:00.003+01:00

2008-05-26T13:33:00.001+01:00

Meh...

2008-05-24T01:11:00.000+01:00

Meh I'm bored I need a new set of goals now that my degree is almost over. I know what my goals are but I need to sit and but them in order. I need to stick with one and not have a million other goals biting at the bit to get out. I shall keep those goals too but I need to get the main one out the way first. Yeah that’s what I will do. My new phrase and mantra I am repeating over to myself is ‘hello world.’ appropriate I feel. End of degree start of career.

The pub

2008-05-19T17:01:00.000+01:00

The pub. Now there is a social space of intrigue if ever there was one.

Now getting more to the point, the pub at lunch time. This is nothing bad. Nope. Having a little drink whilst enjoying a hearty pub lunch is acceptable. On the other hand, the pub at lunch time with no food is slightly edging on wrong, and if it isn’t edging on it, then it’s certainly toying with it. Haha. So where am I going with this thought? Well it was decided that we should have a night in with some home cooked food and a glass or two of wine. This was Saturday night. I was working in the cinema from 11am till 7pm then I headed over to Alice’s for dinner and a chance not to think about our degree show. It was good.

We sat, we drank and we ate. Slowly the people were filtered down to only 4, some of those were less present than others hehe there is an excuse though Gin, whisky and wine. All amazing drinks when sampled alone. Not when drunk one after the other in copious amounts with the novelty of slushy ice. I ended up rather drunk and headed home for about 4am. I saw a fox, a mouse and a drunk pigeon along the way. Hehe

I was up for work the next day at 8am for an hour which I was surprisingly awake for. I was only there for an hour and then I went home and met a friend. I then had to go back into work for a 6pm till 10pm shift. This was last night. I got a txt asking what I was up to as a few friends from back home were off out the the big G. I was already walking home by this point. But I am such a pushover and I decide “yeah... Maybe it is a good idea.” so I get dressed out of my uniform and head out. We drank and we danced and had the most random of times. My two friends ended up having a falling out and walked the streets of Glasgow until the first train at 5.55am. I ended up talking away with a jeweller from up north. The next morning after a few hours sleep we have a quick vodka and coke and then head to the pub. That was this morning. I have now had a few moments of stolen sleep since then and am writing this. This is where my dilemma exists. This is all ok when defined as a student. These things happen, but when it comes to being a final year student and only having two weeks today to get everything finished it becomes a dilemma. Haha. Its all a tad funny though, and I'm off to work again in an hour. I'm working 6pm till 12.30am plently of time to muse over these thoughts.

Www.garybolam.co.uk

Get going

2008-05-16T12:19:00.001+01:00

I need to get going I have about a thousand things to do and I'm delaying in doing them. I have now applied for the Business Boot Camp 08 opportunity and I have messed about with the autonomy layout. Check it out at www.garybolam.co.uk/theautonomy/sept08.htm I will have a fantastic thing going on there in September 2008.

So having mentioned that I have to get this degree out of the way first. Ohh and the washing machine... Gerr the washing machine. I thought that I had fixed it but turns out it now works up until a point then the little dial just keeps clicking around. Ger... So that needs sorted again.

Right! I am going to go to woodwork and make a plinth out of my desk haha! Then I have a tutorial with Sue at 3.20 which I might add I haven't really got anything to show. Humm... I know more what my degree show will be but I have begun conceptualising my practice... Bad thing to do. But interesting all the same.
So I'm off... Catch you later.

Sneaky peak image

2008-05-13T14:47:00.000+01:00

Ok so this may or may not be included in the degree show. I like to think it will be included as it is as far as I can bare to think on the matter just now even though there is only like 3 weeks or less to go.

Woohoo...

2008-05-13T14:30:00.001+01:00

I think i may have fixed the washing machine :) how macho! Haha

Erm...Eak?

2008-05-13T14:20:00.001+01:00

Ger...water everywhere

2008-05-13T13:54:00.001+01:00

Wet Washing in the bath

2008-05-13T13:53:00.001+01:00

And let it commence....

2008-05-12T23:58:00.001+01:00

Humm... I know I shall soon be commencing the queue on the ladder that is the career ladder. I shall of course want to make my own... And I will make my own. I think how ever that my rent is due and I have bills to pay which I'm unsure that the ladder I create can sustain at first. So my thinking is I have two ladders one for myself and that I create and care for, the one my eye falls naturally towards and the other, the other shall be. at first, the ladder to the table. This ladder shall let me eat and enjoy the things that can only be acquired by use on that thing they call money. It of course will aid me in the creation and refinement of my own homely ladder.

Ladders have snakes though, but they wont put me off and for every snake I encounter I shall inevitably go beyond that in the future.

So I'm starting to look forward to letting it all commence and I am of course still unfocused but I’m working on that. The structure is becoming bolder now I need to work on the plan of action.

Hello world.

Sunny glasgow

2008-05-12T19:15:00.001+01:00

Grumble Grumble

2008-05-12T18:38:00.000+01:00

I am in the mindset of needing things.

I need a job.
I need to do uni work.
I need to get everything sorted for graduation.
I need to not feel like a teabag... I don’t know haha!

Yeah so today I shall avoid everything and go get a beer and a pizza. Or just head on round and watch a DVD with a friend. I think I'm on a bit of a downer right now about cine again. I sat through 5 or 6 hours of training and booklet filling in. Every point raised made me detest the company ethics even more. Up-selling. Yeah I get the idea and sure it is offering a service to customers...nothing wrong with that. However don’t take your miss spent money into the equation and don’t try and threaten my job even if it is in a roundabout way. Any point raised with management will inevitably be diluted and forgotten about unless it hasn’t been fobbed off with the usual “...that’s a head office decision.” or “blah blah head office blah I cant be bothered dealing with it blah blah...” Gerr... Cine.

On another note I am actually enjoying the flat a bit now. It is clean. The sun is shining through the windows and I have a fresh load of washing hanging up. Aww summer times are coming closer.

Quote

2008-05-12T18:24:00.001+01:00

“sometimes life is allowed to have a happy ending”

Want list

2008-05-09T04:07:00.001+01:00

Router, Band Saw, other woodworking tools, iPhone, a studio outside of art school, free rent, a decent kitchen to cook in, the ability to verbalise the thoughts and intent whilst making art work, a finalised idea for degree show... The list continues.

www.garybolam.co.uk has had minor updates check it out!

Titles for work

2008-05-09T03:59:00.000+01:00

The Threat Of Chance
Pin
Full Stop

Subway Travels

2008-05-08T16:30:00.003+01:00

I really want to start writing about people and drawing them.

I was sitting thinking this on the subway train this morning. It's so interesting watching the people around you travel in the same train. They all have their ways of avoiding eye contact from one another. Of course they ultimately try and distract themselves from the situation to connect back into their own world with their own familiarity.

There was this guy the other week. Looked like any other person you might have seen sitting on the subway. Middle aged, not scruffy more semi-smart and with the same avoidance of eye contact that everyone else has when travelling on the subway. There was a moment though as my eye scanned around the train that I caught him taking a half bottle of vodka out of his inner jacket pocket and take more than a small mouthful of this vodka neat.

I then went off on a tangent of thought whilst watching this unfold. I wondered if he had children or what his life story was. why did he feel the need to be drinking at midday during the week. I looked at the people to either side of him. both of which never noticed or more they didn't care to pay attention. What a crazy scene. I guess it is going back to the main point of this piece of writing, that we all try to distract ourselves from the engagement of a strangers contact in public space. Perhaps it is the venerability we feel whilst isolated from our familiarity. Perhaps it is ignorance.

So this is somewhere as to the why I want to start drawing and writing about people on the subway. They all have their own story to tell and I like thinking about what that might be. Their awkward engagement is also exciting. How someone sits as that drunk guy staggers through the door just moments prior to the beep. How that child's screams cause even the polite travellers face to contort.

Yeah I'm going to start keeping my notepad close to hand whilst on the train. It's a promise.

Crit work

2008-05-06T02:06:00.001+01:00

Told you so

2008-05-05T15:12:00.000+01:00

Why am I still awake?

2008-05-05T04:15:00.001+01:00

It’s mad. I’m seriously soooooo tired and I need to do so much tomorrow but I'm still awake and its 4.11am. My eyes are stinging and I've got that sleepy head nod thing but I aint sleeping. Oh nope. I am instead messing around with blogs and phones and sending images and yadda yadda. Humm... Playing some funky moosic though. Yellowcard.

You. Go. get. Then Listen.

Messing around in the studios

2008-05-05T04:09:00.001+01:00

Looking At Stars.

2008-05-01T00:40:00.002+01:00

A boy holds his head high with ambition and excitement towards the night sky. The stars sit there one by one too many to count and too few to light the way fully. They hold the secrets of times gone past. We are always looking at them in the past and they are always in the future. They exist in a different time to us. We should take note of the vast sky and place our biggest problems along side. Our problems would amount to nothing but the smallest speck of light within that vast sky.

So today I have started looking to the sky and yeah you know what... My life is good. I may have just encountered the end of a relationship but I have succeeded in finding out more about myself. He was a pretty special kind of guy and I still admire his strengths. So today I shall eat and I shall drink and I shall indeed be merry. For today, it is the beginning of something a little bit new and of course a little bit scary.

Running with my eyes wide open. Smiling.

www.garybolam.co.uk